Busy Doing Nothing
Late last year, I found myself in a weird place. I was inundated with so many things I needed to do and it felt like I was always running out of time. After a few months of being very “busy”, I looked backed hoping to have a long list of things I’d managed to accomplish. But that wasn’t the case! Looking at all the hours of work I’d put in, the results were anything but impressive. Now, to be fair, I did manage to do a lot in absolute terms, but I did not give a sense of accomplishment I would have imagined.
Now this was a weird place because I didn’t know what more I could do to change this feeling of lack of accomplishment. I had everything that I wanted — I loved my job, loved the people I was working with, was getting paid well, working long hours but enjoying it — so what was missing?
The problem, put bluntly, was that I was doing too much without thinking as much. I had not taken a pause to really think why I was doing what I was doing. Again, to be fair to myself, at one level, I had done this. I knew why I was came into work everyday, why I was putting in the hours and knowing that made it all feel enjoyable and not a duty that I was forced to perform. But, I had stopped at that level, and not taken a higher balcony view. Let me explain.
The balcony and the dance
During one of our a leadership training sessions, our coaches shared with us a very interesting analogy — that of a dance floor with a balcony. The dance represents the daily hustle and bustle of getting stuff done. The balcony represents a bird-eye’s view of all what is happening, a step back moment to observe and plan better. Many might believe that leaders need to be in the balcony, but according to our coaches, good leaders are those who are in the balcony and in the dance. They can quickly oscillate between the two and by doing that, can be rooted in reality while looking into the future. I tried to follow this at work every day making sure that I wasn’t spending too much time in either the balcony or the dance. But despite practicing this, I was in that weird spot.
Dancing in the balcony
Seeing how busy I was, it was clear that I was in the dance. But that didn’t feel accurate to me because I was consciously spending time in the balcony — I was taking pauses and stepping back often to assess how things were going, drilling down to first principle on why something was important, spending a lot of time thinking about root causes of the challenges I was facing. I knew I was spending time in the balcony, but it still felt like I was dancing. And then it hit me - I was dancing in the balcony! I was in the balcony with my eyes down observing the busy dance below. But while I was there, I never thought of looking up. It was at that moment I realised that there wasn’t one balcony, but many of them which towered above me.
Different kinds of dancing partners
I spoke to a few people about this little discovery I had made and over these chats I realised that I had developed a very narrow view which focused only on my work. I had a lot to do at work, and things were going well, but work was just one of the the many “dancing partners” around me and I wasn’t paying attention to any of the others. I couldn’t see this because I was so busy dancing and I had not moved to the higher balcony. I had neglected so many things like playing music, making videos, reading, spending time with my friends, keeping in touch with my family and so much more. It was the lack of all this which had created that sense of something being missing. It had nothing to do with my work directly and I because I had failed to move up a balcony, I couldn’t see it.
Not being busy
I used to believe that if you’re not being productive all the time, you’re wasting your time. Time was ticking and you weren’t going to get it back so you’d better make the most of it. Doing exactly this had gotten to me to place where I was busy but I wasn’t making the most of my time. So I made some changes to my life to make sure I’m not busy all the time. I wanted to spend time doing things which were important to me and not fool myself by being busy. I started taking time to read, exercise, meditate, call home, meet my friends, learn something new etc and spent most of my day on this. From spending 1–2 hours a day, I now spend a good 7–8 hours everyday. One disclaimer is that I don’t have a full time job right now and thus have more free time on my hands. Being able to do this feels great, but I do catch myself slipping into this need to be busy all the time so that I don’t fee guilty of wasting time. We often mistake being busy and being productive. I realised that if you want to be busy all the time, you end up being less efficient and take longer to do things. It’s only a few weeks and months later that you realise that you took much more time than you should have.
Always out of time
After implementing these changes, I was feeling a higher sense of accomplishment. I was doing enough thinking about what I wanted to achieve and spent time accordingly, across all aspects of my life. But one thing didn’t change. I was still running out of time. There was so much to do! However, this time it felt different. It didn’t feel like I was missing anything. And this was my second realisation — you will never have enough time. I could not do everything and thus I had to be very particular on where I spend my time. When it came it meeting people, I had to sometimes say no. When I wanted to put and an extra hour of work, I had to sometimes say no. When I wanted to chat with my friend for another hours, I had to sometimes say no. This was so paradoxical at the start, but over time I’ve come to realise it’s a balance. You cannot do too much of the same thing even if you enjoy it! You must try and stay balanced and being very judicious and disciplined with your time is the only way. I feel that I actually do more in less time just because I’m not trying to be busy and not saying yes when I have free time.
This shift away from having the need to busy so that I feel good about myself, has helped me a lot. The first time was when I was a manager and this shift helped me get better at my work. The more recent one was at a higher level where work was just one of the many things I spend my time on. I’m sure this isn’t the last shift and there are more to go. Eventually, you’re just trying to understand why you do what you do. I don’t think you ever reach the answer, but it does get clearer with every new balcony.
This essay is a part of my 30 day writing challenge. You can read more about why I’m doing it here
