Welcome to the Imposter club

I was recently chatting with a friend of about Imposter Syndrome. It’s something I face very often and this translates in low self confidence and everything which comes with that. Most of the time, I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing and am totally winging it! I wasn’t surprised when she said she was relieved to hear that because she’s found herself in the same situation and was nervous of being called out for winging things.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people actually face this and, just like me, never speak up about it. Most recently I heard this being mentioned in a conversation between Chamath Palihapitiya and Shane Parish (a great podcast!) and I learnt that this feeling is not going to go away, so I might as well learn to live with it. In another great article by Oliver Burkeman, he writes -

The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one … Humanity is divided into two: on the one hand, those who are improvising their way through life, patching solutions together and putting out fires as they go, but deluding themselves otherwise; and on the other, those doing exactly the same, except that they know it. It’s infinitely better to be the latter … Remember: the reason you can’t hear other people’s inner monologues of self-doubt isn’t that they don’t have them. It’s that you only have access to your own mind.

It was clear that this feeling of being an imposter is faced by many people and as a result this has lead to a bigger problem of not taking risks. When you think of trying something new, the feeling of “faking it” takes over and you don’t move an inch forward. This is a big problem as we continue to stay stuck in our comfort zone and never end up trying something new. What’s worst is that we then complain about it.

So given that it’s so common, here are some things which make me feel like an imposter. Hopefully you’ll see that you’re not alone.

1. I feee like a total imposter when I write my learnings like 3 lessons from being a first-time founder, The hard part of an acquisition comes after it’s done, 4 Lessons from Managing Teams. If you read my essays, it’s filled with caveats about how this is my personal view and should not be seen as advice.
2. When someone asks me my views on something I’ve worked on, I always start by saying “I’m no expert” and feel weird giving them “advice”
3. When I DJ and have to ask people to pay me for my services. In my head I’m still a guy who plays for fun in his bedroom and I feel like a total imposter who’s trying to be a professional DJ
4. When I’m recording a podcast episode and asking questions, I feel like I’m faking it, pretending to ask smart questions, whereas in reality I’m completely winging it.

I can go on but I’m sure you get the point by now.

No one gives a flying F**k

In the book, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a F**K, Mark Mason says that in order to live more peacefully, have a limited amount of f**ks to give everyday. If you only have 10 f**ks to give in a day, it’s probably not worth your time to worry about most things around you. Another way to look at this captured in a great quote by Brian Koppelman, writer of the movies Ocean’s Thirteen and co-creator of the TV series Billions

“In the great expanse of time, we’re already dead. If you really think about how small we are and the fact that because time is so long, this little moment we’re here is over already. Then you have to have no fear of failure. Your failure is insignificant. Your successes are too but they feel good. So it’s worth failing. It’s worth [doing] those [difficult and tedious] tasks that result in you feeling awkward and bad to find the 101st that opens the door, if you learn from those 100 that are bad.”

I make sure to remind myself of these 2 things when I feel like an imposter. The truth is that we take ourselves way too seriously and in reality, no one really cares. So next time you’re feeling like you’re faking it, just look around because I’m pretty sure everyone else is doing it too.

we significantly overestimate how much people think about us. @visualizevalue

This essay is a part of my 30 day writing challenge. You can read more about why I’m doing it here